I date, or let us say I try to date. In the 5 years since my wife left I've been on hundreds of them. Yet I'm single, still. "Why?" You may ask. "You are a confident, sober, employed, family oriented man, who has a firm grasp on what he wants in a mate." Because, people. The hook up culture is a real thing, and it is tough for a 40 year old man, to adjust.
I don't want you to misunderstand, I've hooked up and this is not a piece shaming people for doing so. I don't care what you do with your body, I don't care how many people you've slept with, it simply has zero affect on my opinion of you. I myself have had a few Netflix and Pizza nights they were great fun, but that was it, they were fun. There was no substance no connection. They were easy, they were passionate, they were done. No expectations, no jealousy, no thought other than........
That's not dating, that is hooking up, it's easy and it's quick. It's not what I want. Ok to be fair sometimes it's what I want, but it's not my long term goal.
A date to me is an interview for a potential partner, I know that sounds cold but I'm very aware of what it is I'm looking for. Two people come together and trade resumes and see if they can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement.
I find no great joy in buying women food hanging out with them to the wee hours of the morning and then never talking to them again. Yet this happens again and again. It's not me, I have no problem putting myself and my ego on the line to tell a woman that I am interested in her. To speak up and ask for that second or (gasp) third date. Yet here I am again writing about the woes of my love life in my Crazy Journal.
1. Why do we have to label this?
I'm not labeling it. If I wash my truck, buy you flowers, put on a shirt I've never fished in, and come pick you up, it's a date. It's not a label, it's what we are doing is called. Milk is called milk because that's what it is, why are you labeling it?
2. Gotta keep those options open.
Truthfully no one has ever said this to me but I have felt it many times. "I'm not ready to be exclusive" this I have heard. Then why are you on a date? Why didn't you tell me? We could've ordered Dominos and ignored whatever movie is qued up in Netflix. I personally do not have the emotional capacity to juggle more than one romantic interest at a time. If we are on an actual date, I'm interested, if you aren't. Why are you here?
3. I'm not going to meet you anywhere.
I have always been under the impression that there were rules to dating. Be it old fashioned or chauvinistic (I don't care, it's how I work). I will spend 3 hours washing the inside and outside of my truck. To get any hint of sand out of it. I will bring you flowers when I pick you up at your house. I will have an evening already planned. If we stray from above stated plan so be it but I won't pick you up and ask you what you want to do. This is the way I did it before I got married, it's the way I do it now, it's the way I'll do it in a month.
If you have a problem with calling it "a date," say no.
If you are still in love with your ex-husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, say no.
If you aren't looking for a relationship say no.
If you have a problem with me having kids who are more important than you, say no.
If you have a problem with the fact that I am friends with my ex-wife say no.
If you want to explore the possibility of a relationship based on mutual respect and maybe at some point that dreaded L word say yes.
If not say no. I'm ok with no, people have been telling me no my whole life. If you want a free dinner come by the house and I'll make you a sandwich. If you're bored, I'll take you fishing. If you're lonely feel free to come hang out. If I ask you out and any of these reasons are why you are saying yes......
I'm not interested