So the title is a lie, he just isn't. If you've read any of my older blogs concerning my ex-wife and our issues you will be aware of my myriad of issues with this guy. Or as I call them now weak excuses to hate him. I did hate him, with every fiber of my being. For a time I didn't trust myself to be around him as I seriously wanted to do him physical harm. I'm a grownup so I didn't, but if you say you've never fantasized about beating the shit out of someone, you're a fucking liar. Pants, fire, the whole deal.
They say time heals all wounds, I say bullshit. A wound will heal in time if you put forth the effort and take the steps necessary to treat the cause. So They can go fuck themselves. I decided to heal, I made myself forgive him. I made myself forgive my ex-wife. I made myself forgive me. I played my part in what went down in that relationship, all 3 of us did. It made me physically and spiritually ill for so long, so much anger, so many resentments. I was the main instigator in 99% of my own misery. "The fuck Arlen? How long do you want to suffer?" The answer, when I realized what the question was, came easy. "No longer."
All of that inward touchy feely (blech) existential malarkey led me to here. I invited him to play Airsoft with my son, his friends, and myself for Van's birthday. Why? I questioned my own motives a bit when I did it. Am I trying to make peace or do I just want to shoot him with little plastic BB's? I feel like the right answer is peace but I will get to shoot him, so draw your own conclusions.
I have found that the key to successful coparenting is getting the fuck over myself and putting my ego at about 11 on my list. I have a fantastic and wonderful woman in my life. Who I would not have if my ex and I were still together. If I had not experienced what I have I would not have become the man I am today. So today I am grateful when I see them together. To express my gratitude, to be truly grateful, I have to share that with them. This man spends a lot of time with my children, he's another parent for them. Fairly I must show him the same respect I would show any other parent. I want him to feel included. He is a part of my family, I didn't ask for him but facts are facts. He is a part of my children's lives and will be for the foreseeable future. So he's invited, always.
The 10 Rules for Succesful Coparenting
1. Get the fuck over yourself
2. Your kids are more important than your ego
3. Get the fuck over yourself
4. If you don't agree on something talk to your ex the way you would want someone to talk to your mother.
5. Get the fuck over yourself
6. Split the cost of everything
7. Get the fuck over yourself
8. If you have an issue tell them, don't let it fester until you are angry
9. Get the fuck the over yourself
10. Don't yell, ever, it just makes sure every one is angry. If perturbed walk away and revisit it when you have calmed down.
Bonus step. Communicate, communicate, communicate, and get the fuck over yourself.
1. Get the fuck over yourself
2. Your kids are more important than your ego
3. Get the fuck over yourself
4. If you don't agree on something talk to your ex the way you would want someone to talk to your mother.
5. Get the fuck over yourself
6. Split the cost of everything
7. Get the fuck over yourself
8. If you have an issue tell them, don't let it fester until you are angry
9. Get the fuck the over yourself
10. Don't yell, ever, it just makes sure every one is angry. If perturbed walk away and revisit it when you have calmed down.
Bonus step. Communicate, communicate, communicate, and get the fuck over yourself.