I have a beard, I love my beard. It is a not an accessory nor me showing my love of all things Duck Dynasty. It is a statement to my manhood (not that manhood, perverts). Yes even with my painted toenails, turtle earrings, and the fact my daughter gave me a makeover last night, I have a firm grip (penis jokes are the best) on my manhood.
To beard is to accept and embrace being a man and all it entails. My Dad, my first beard mentor, had a glorious beard when I was kid. He doesn't wear one now but he has a pretty awesome pornstache he has held onto forever. My Dad hunts, he fishes, he builds shit, he can fix a broken car. These are all things I have made a point to learn to do during my journey through adulthood. These are things in my mind that make a man.
My beard is my declaration to the world "I am man!" It is an outward sign of my inner caveman.
Now do not confuse my love of bearding and my unabashed joy in being a man with misogyny. There is nothing manlier than being a father. There is nothing on this earth more important than these tiny little people we bring into this world. If you have a daughter this means makeovers and painted toenails. It means wearing a tutu and rocking out to the latest Katy Perry song. If these things don't sound Alpha Male enough for you, the problem isn't with me but with your perception of what it means to be a man.
Yes I've seen Duck Dynasty, no I'm not auditioning for a role.
Yes it is hot
No I'm not homeless
No it's not itchy
Yes you can touch it
I love my beard (my Mom hates it) it is part of who I am. Love it or hate it I'm not scraping it off.